Our Funerary Customs

I had a very interesting conversation with friends over the weekend, and some odd topics came up. It might have been the beer talking, but a good friend of mine said that at his funeral he would like us to put him on marionette strings so he can "join in" the dancing and festivities to celebrate his life. We all laughed awkwardly for lack of a better reaction, and started to give him a hard time. It just seemed so preposterous and totally unacceptable. But it got me wondering...why, in our culture, are funerals grieving ceremonies to mourn a loss, rather than a celebration of a life well lived? I have several friends who want their favourite song played, a particular drink served, or a mandatory dance party to keep the mood light in remembrance. So why do we, as a culture, generally have a mourning ritual when a light-hearted party might be what the deceased themselves actually wanted?

I have heard, and fully believe, that grieving is necessary to get over a loss. But why grieve in public? A quick think back to what I have learned about funerary celebrations reminds me that many cultures use the funeral as an opportunity to renew bonds, build a new community building, or pay homage to the gods. Obviously public grieving is not universal and the grieving itself doesn't have to happen at the funeral. Perhaps (this is just a hypothesis I've come up with), in our society, grieving in public is a way to show the closeness of certain community members to the deceased. For example, we would probably find it very strange if a woman did not mourn the loss of her husband. It would make us wonder why she didn't have stronger feelings, and if Hollywood serves us well, maybe even speculate if she had something to do with his death! It seems that the more upset you are at these events, the more credible the relationship appears. This may influence the way a person is remembered, the status they hold in the society, or the sympathy and/or material benefits they receive after the funeral. It seems to be a very strange way of organizing social relationships when you think of it like this, but it's so culturally ingrained that it would probably seem totally inappropriate to do anything too far from the norm.

 Image from: tvfanatic.com

Image from: meningitisuk.org

The two pictures above are photos I found on google image. Which better represents how you would like to be sent off? Personally, while my family and friends will ultimately decide, I would much rather the second image, a celebration of my life instead of a mourning ritual. Clearly, grieving needs to happen, but maybe this is best dealt with after the closure of a "happy ending" and the funeral should stick to what the deceased themselves wanted. Maybe being put on marionette strings is pushing it a little, but I like the general idea behind it. When my friend put it out there, my response was that I would like to have my picture put on a life size cardboard cut-out. That way, I can join the party without freaking anyone out too badly!